From: The White House Office of the 45/47 and future 48th President, Donald J. Trump
To: Elon Musk
Subject: Five Tremendous Accomplishments from Last Week
Dear Elon,
You know, people are always asking, “Mr. President, what have you done this week?” (Unbelievable question, by the way, very rude!) And now YOU, one of the greats, are demanding a list of federal accomplishments. So, as a favor—because we like each other, even though I still don’t drive a Tesla—I’m giving you a rundown of my five biggest and best accomplishments from last week. Tremendous. Maybe the best week any has ever had.
- Spent $11 Million in Taxpayer Money on Golfing
Some say, “Mr. President, you work too hard!” But I say, “A great leader must lead from the green!” So I took Air Force One and I hit the links. Fantastic golf, tremendous golf, very important golf. Not a dime of my own money spent, but hey, that’s what the people WANT. Jobs created? The caddies, the golf course employees—these are the real jobs of America! - Air Kissed Melania
Marriage, people tell me, is about effort. HUGE effort. So, I made the incredible, very noble decision to acknowledge my fantastic, very mysterious wife with a carefully calculated, beautifully executed, world-class air kiss. We’re talking inches away from actual contact, just the right distance to show affection but also dominance. No one air-kisses like I do, believe me. - Got Schooled by Macron (Fake News)
Now, the FAKE NEWS is going crazy saying I “got schooled” by Macron. Did Macron talk a lot? Sure. Did I listen? Not really. Did I pretend to understand whatever nonsense he was saying about “global cooperation” and “diplomacy”? Maybe. But the truth is, we all know the French are just jealous of America (and my tan). So, let’s just say I let him talk—because that’s what a generous leader does. - Accomplished Top Secret Mission from Russia
I can’t tell you about this. Very hush-hush. Super top secret. But let’s just say somebody out there is very, very happy with me right now. Some say the happiest. No collusion, of course. None whatsoever. - Rage Posted on Truth Social
Maybe my most important accomplishment. The people want the truth, and let’s be honest—who else is going to give it to them? I was up at 3 a.m., 4 a.m., ALL NIGHT, letting the world know exactly how rigged everything is. Crooked Joe? Destroyed. Radical Left? Eviscerated. Ratings? THROUGH THE ROOF. This is what leadership looks like, Elon. Engagement, passion, posting like no one has ever posted before.
So there you go, five major, world-changing accomplishments in just one week. And honestly, I could’ve given you ten, but I’m being modest. Hope that satisfies your “all federal employees must list their accomplishments” policy.
Let me know when you want to golf. Bring a Cybertruck—let’s see if it makes it 18 holes.
Donald J. Trump
45/47/48th President of the United States